The Kenosis - a break of 15 years from reflecting, writing and publishing

I started the blog as a hangover (not literally) of  bubbly teenager at my twenties. The college and mostly Mischief - swayed over me, my thoughts and my action. Any action needed at my work desk , any suggestion or support eked by my friends , used to find me get that through a mandatory indulgence with Innocent Prank to bring out a laugh or cause a not so uncomfortable disarray, 

But despite this burden of carrying Loki's mandate in this world - apart from living my own - I used to gather time out to reflect and then jot them down and in some cases publish. 

The  Liminal Crucible: 

Around 2012 and continuing till now, I went through a phase where I was letting go one and not latched onto the another yet. 

On the Personal front - I finally got married :) You now have a warden over you 24X7 .. and then blessed to be a father few years down the line .. Watching the kid grow (or pretending rather) is a difficult task considering am a man mired by forgetfulness and zero patience. Despite my parenting handicaps my son grew fonder, closer to me . We are best friends since (touch wood) . And then few more years passed and I became father yet again of a wonderful baby boy. And repeat.  Both the boys fight for me within the house and can go any extremes to take a stand for me - no matter what. My belief that am not the father which is driving values is so strong that I have found myself in parenting therapies - and one of the generally well accepted theories there is to be solemn - be friendly and never a friend of growing up sons.

In parallel with the personal front, the Professional life has been a intense one.  The call to return back from USA and not settle for any IT / software development job for MBA studies in Dubai/ Singapore to Sales in India is an outlier case. I dodged and sometimes the chance to move out of India always escaped me - before I finally made peace that am going to build in India. I got infatuated with idea of building something myself and doing the 0 ->1 in nascent technology . The last 6 years has been grueling but deeply satisfying in bringing an idea from thought to corporation. On making India's first full stack last mile logistics, mobility and distribution company. A long series to reflect on the journey and rewards of various shades. 

Finally the world itself changed so much through this phase . With advent of smarter phones (the era of keyboard based phones were over replaced by accessible Androids) , almost free data (internet) access , and then the world of video streaming and user generated content (Shorts, Reels) took over . 

The pause to reflect translated to scrolling reels. Some made us laugh, a very few curious, even rarer to introspect and reflect , a lot of them made us angry , divided. It would be a chapter to describe - may be another blog post on how the social fabric might have been changed through the reels/shorts . I know its significant. As if the user generated content wasnt enough machines took over - and now you have an option to just put keywords or ideas and an email or contract or blog or even a movie gets produced. What a world ! 

Kenosis 

As mentioned above running a company which takes care of 1700 lives had been consuming - it has given me multiple sleepless nights.. and in recent past , more and more of this. Without getting into more details - last night I just happened to wake up at an odd hour and reflect on that milestone in my life where I had emptied myself out. Turns out I have spent a year more than Ramji ka vanvaas. 15 years it had been . I have scribbled a post occasionally in between but for business . And then I realized some things should not be changed. This Blog as an example should always remain like that Mischievous, full of life and joy teenager in a twenties body . This should go through Cryonics while I move on to another one (or rather create a new one) which reflects what I am now. So Bye bye Candle in Darkness and welcome First Principles & Last Miles

Friendship Day .. over the years and for times to come

A measure of evolution ( ok, lets be not so harsh on the word .. yes agreed that we corrupt with age so evolution is a misplaced word but then so is maturity , growth on similar lines of reason, but for lack of words - evolution ) is the shade of reaction under the same stimuli over the years ..

So down those memory lanes faintly remember , that the first Sunday of August, which we label as Friendship day, held no meaning .. not because the radius of circle of friends around were zero but that it hardly mattered, every day was for friend , every day was special and the ritual of making any day different seemed so out of world ...... the clock clicked over the years and during the course of Teenage , it assumed the pivotal role around the pivotal purpose of life " the hunt for mate " ...which meant the day was the D-day ... to assess performance over the year and sometimes over the quarter and some times on more than one subject ... to find out how many birdies are bonded over and cross with me, arm in arm , to the other side of relationship, from just another guy to boy friend ... so that was both a test day and festival . which meant blowing away pocket money for gifts , scheming plans to woo over ... while this still continues ( they say men are always boys till they die ).. I am sure fiddling around would be thing of past some time in future ...giving way to having the best friend for life around.

Vacuum Really sucks

The first cut gushes out the stream of blood to a foreign environment- and that’s when it is the scariest most and post that blood gets used to it … “ yeah am flowing out .. going down the drains .. but so did the blood stream before me “ quips the “ not the first” stream of blood..

And as more blood oozes, the pain remains and mostly aggravates but then no one can take from the first stream the degree of scariness.

As I place myself in a quiet corner of quietest but extravagant restaurant in town when the city is maddening with celebration, meeting endless near and dear ones, exchanging wises and gifts, illuminating the sky with fireworks and adding to noise by choicest of firecrackers… the loner me , feels so left out. Yeah had been lonely but this is the first time when it is striking me so hard same way as when blood is let out … and am in pain, a terrible pain …

Next Diwali or next touch of this feeling might not be that painful and I hope that …. But the current one is just slicing me .. “ what’s the point of being through this ? “ , “ could I have avoided this ? “ , “ oh god! Have mercy , don’t pain me that much “ … “ am I through or is the degree of torment still left ? “ …

I am not answering these questions , and probably could not .. but am just not waking up to answer it .. am so much down with the pain ,, I know where it hurts, how it hurts, why it hurt but have surrendered to the inaction,, cant do much about it …

But then wait !! am I that deep in pain ? Definitely not , am probably enjoying what others are aspiring ..Freedom … treating myself at the best place.. this shows am not so helpless and I will fight back !!

Hope is a bastard. It doesn’t know which strand of DNA formulated it. Is it from the hopelessness all around or is from the hope that hopelessness all around, is at its tipping point.

Salsa fever grips . is it just a fad ?

5 visits to Salsa schools in a lazy Sunday !! Depositing over Rs 1000 as token amount in 3 of them !! and 10 calls to schools teaching Social Dances !!! There should be some seriousness to the thought that strayed in my mind last night.. so am off set to create a Latin world within me .. I can already feel the blood of Incas throbbing in my viens .. Am I the Latin soul trapped in an Indian Body ? Or Do I look from Amazon too ? Well I guess the one in my mind screams that I belong to Rain Forest .. Don't I dance like Samba dancers?, don't I love soccer when Indians just cant get out of Cricket?, don't I love coffee than tea?, don't I look half African ? Hell yes !! Dios Mio !! I have been keeping my mind and thoughts in dark for so long , I swear by the mighty Amazon, I will bring justice.. and so I booked my next 8 Sundays and Saturdays to the jubilation of this new found discovery .. to the way we celebrate in Latin world, by Salsa, jive and Cha-Cha...

Latino Mundo ... In the process of creating my Latin world