Mumblings to myself

Blue skies above and I want nothing else to trasport me from this world to my thought land. There are times when one needs to look or rather stare at limitless entities to reflect upon themselves. Lost in myself at unearthly hours ( 3 AM), staring blankly at the landascape of mumbai, I had been thinking ( which is rather rare ) over the regular doses of intoxication that where I have gone ? Flashbacking those memory lanes where I started treading as a toddler to the young man, I am now. Miles to go ahead and have to run at an urgent pace, this very thought sends shivers down my spine. Are we living ? or are we consuming ourselves so that we leave no time for ourselves and have no existence when the light in us goes off.
Have we got time to ponder on the questions which are so simple yet complex. who am I ? Am I sounding more like those boring monks? Possibly yes and may be am bit reluctant to accept the fact that some thing still is ****** in me.Connection with ulitmate truth is avoidable some times but not when you are left alone and forced to do thinking.The world crushes some one who deviates from the customs and it is hard to resign to that fate.Resignation is not the answer and it is the tumultous time that most of the time, one remembers when looking back.Events till now though uninspiring havent really affected me or my emotional( why I m saying this ? )sphere, but yeah it has time and again sparked and intruded thoughts into my rationale.I surely want to end this right away coz the more I spend time with myself, the more frightening I become of me.But some day they both have to sit together and decide who is the one that should listen and who is the one that should do the talking.Some day one of these guys has to stand up and declare " I was so wrong and you were so right".Its called SPLIT WITHIN and I know this could be controlled but not always. Till I meet this phase again, Good bye and Take care.